Demi Moore’s Dog, Chalamet’s Mustache and More

Timothée Chalamet may win his first Oscar for embodying Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown, a feat that would mint the 29-year-old A-lister as a bona fide Hollywood heavyweight. But with every stop of his FYC campaign, whether in a pink tracksuit or openly canoodling Kylie Jenner, it’s become clear that part of him will always be that sweet little boy weeping into the fireplace over Armie Hammer. Timmy can’t quit his wispy, lil mustache. And, frankly, neither can we.

Not since the debate over the cultural reach of To Leslie has the conversation been so dominated by a single performer. The Emilia Pérez star hobbled her film’s lead for best picture when some truly cringe old tweets surfaced — Black people, immigrants, Muslims … few were spared — and her awkward apologies fell on deaf ears. She could have been the first trans woman to win best actress. Instead, she’ll be flying empty-handed (and probably in coach) back to her native Spain.

Throw another cube on the supposedly chilly relationship between Jeremy Strong and his Succession co-stars. This little drama, real or fake, has been compounded by Culkin besting the Apprentice actor in the supporting race at every turn for his work in A Real Pain. Waystar Royco may now be run by Tom Wambsgans — this is your fault if you didn’t watch! — but the real spoils go to Roman.

What do we hate more than watching somebody sing a Diane Warren original that’s never going to win? Change! The Academy’s decision to eighty-six the Oscar telecast’s traditional performances of nominated songs incensed everyone. And by “everyone,” we mean songwriters. They raised a stink, but it was in vain. You’re not seeing Elton John until his next farewell tour.

Move over, Zendaya. Get the hell out of our sight line, Selena. There is only one star we want to see on this red carpet. She’s 1.2 pounds, missing several teeth and usually in the arms of guardian Demi Moore. We’re talking about Pilaf, the teacup pup who made the Substance star’s road from Cannes to the Oscars such a tongue-protruding delight. Somebody greenlight a Beverly Hills Chihuahua revival, stat!

Wicked: For Good would be wise to partner with Kleenex, because the ladies of part one cried their way across three continents on a tour that went over as well as their movie. It also worked magic on voters. After early status as an awards outlier, the musical scored 10 Oscar nominations and one apiece for Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande, who put in all those hours and all those tears.

Sometimes little statuettes seem so preordained, a press tour can look an awful lot like a victory lap. That’s the only way to describe Kidman’s promotional onslaught for Babygirl, an erotic thriller that everyone said was going to give the screen icon her sixth Oscar nomination. Alas, not this time. But let her snub serve as a referendum on the hubris of punditry … not the inclusion of dairy in a balanced diet.

The total run time of all 10 best picture nominees is 24 hours and 39 minutes: an entire day plus one episode of Law & Order: SVU. Well, strike another 15 minutes from your mortal clock because Brady Corbet mandated a precisely timed intermission during The Brutalist. He claims it’s to give audiences “a break,” but we suspect he fears the potential side effects of 202 uninterrupted minutes gazing into Adrien Brody’s soft, empathetic eyes.